(Why) Can't We All Just Get Along?

It's my experience that we get far too comfortable with the people we're around all of the time. That comfort is good when it means that we don’t feel like we have to impress anyone, but it’s bad when it makes us complacent. I’ve noticed that the first place we tend to drop the ball in these relationships is in our manners.
Think about someone you’ve spent a lot of time with (especially family). When you want them to hand you the salt, how do you ask? You probably don’t ask, you probably say “pass the salt.” The correct way to get the salt would be to ask, “Would you please pass the salt?” (And it’s important to say “thank you” when you get it.) While this is a barely rude and mostly inconsequential example, imagine getting this every day for three or four months. Let’s take it to the next level.
Pretend you want to change your shirt, and you head toward your bedroom only to find the hallway blocked by this person you’re spending a lot of time with. How do you get through? You say, “Move! I need to change my shirt!” You should say, “Excuse me; I’m just trying to get back to my room to change my shirt.” The first way, barking out a command, will be met with an agitated, “Give me a minute, would you?” The second way, making a request, will be met either with an even tempered, “Oh, go right ahead. Excuse me,” or “Oh, sorry. Just give me a second and I’ll be done.”
The attitude with which we enter a given situation will greatly affect its outcome. In dealing with manners (and other life-situations), I find that it is best to avoid walking in an attitude of entitlement. Rather than acting like you deserve something just because you want it, you should request what you want because you know that if you don’t yet have it, it’s not actually yours. An attitude of entitlement has an air of selfishness and arrogance to it. “I want what I want and I’m going to get it because I deserve it.” Making requests rather than demands has an air of humility and equality, which is far less likely to make anyone feel like you think they’re inferior to you and therefore get defensive. “I’ll ask for what I want because it’s not just mine for the taking”.
Remember that we screw things up all of the time, and we don’t even deserve our next breath. While we’re arguing over extra salt for our food (which used to be a form of currency, by the way) or get back to our relatively private bedroom to change into one of our many shirts, there are people elsewhere who are happy to share a chunk of bread and half of a 3’x5’ blanket with a cold friend because they care about the relationships more than their own selfish desires. I could go on, and I probably will later; but for now, just remember to mind your P’s and Q’s because in the grand scheme of things, you don’t deserve any more than anyone else.