Reverance and Relevance Part Two, "Why?"

I am posing this question for a few reasons, and I’ll list them in an honest order. First, I see a lack of the fear of God in others. I say this because of how easy it is for Christians to treat each other so poorly. I saw it initially in my own age-group, but I have come to believe that in all generations (even the elders who grew up being taught the fear of God) there is an unfortunate lack of fear. Second, that makes me look at myself and see a lack of the fear of God. The manifestation of the lack of fear in my own life is sin. It just seems too easy. Third, both of these make me ponder the role of the Fear of God in the life of the believer. My understanding at this point is centered on Hebrews 12:10-11:
Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
As a child, I dearly loved my parents, but I can also recall several times when I feared them. The first episode that comes to mind is one of my early elementary school teachers having me clean my shoes after having played in the mud. I remember cleaning out the treads with a stick as I was crying, and I kept repeating “my parents are gonna' kill me!”
As a result of this scripture and my own experience that I pray lends understanding to my relationship with God (I happen to view earthly relationships as shadows and metaphors of eternal relationships), I submit that the fear of God is especially important in our training for righteousness as immature believers. 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” This scripture implies to me that fear is a part of the growing process. It seems to say that love replaces fear, and I would say our natural relationships with our parents (if they’re good parents) follow a similar development.
The girl who grows up with a “friend-mom” (tries to be cool with the younger generation, would rather party with her daughter than limit her “fun” because she’s too weak to let her daughter be mad at her for a few days for having done the right thing) loves her mom at the time. But when she’s grown up, she’s screwed up, and begins to resent her mother. The same happens with parents who are overbearing and much too strict, to be fair. The child whose parents set reasonable limitations and weren’t afraid to suffer the wrath of their children for having done the right thing even when it’s inconvenient, however, shifts from fearing as a child to respecting as a young adult to loving , appreciating, and imitating as a parent in the future. That’s what I understand the role of the fear of God to be, and that’s why I ask whether we’ve traded it for relevance. Perhaps another way to phrase the question is whether God is like a friend-mom, and if not, why do we treat Him that way?